آموزش زبان انگلیسی برای همه

1-When You’ve Got Your Health, You've Got Everything
 
Hannah’s daddy was a teacher who barely made enough money to raise his six kids. Hannah wore hand-me-downs from her older sisters. For Christmas she usually got used dolls and books. As a child, she yearned to have the beautiful clothes, cars, and homes that she often saw on TV and in magazines.
Several years after she graduated from college, she became part-owner of a successful interior decorating business in Manhattan. Her life became what she had dreamed about as a little girl. A successful business woman, she had a handsome, wealthy fiancé. She owned her own co-op near Central Park. She took skiing vacations in the winter and exotic cruises in the summer. At the age of 30, Hannah was on top of the world.
Then she underwent a routine health checkup, and her perfect world crumbled. Her doctor told her that she had pancreatic cancer. Surgery was necessary to determine how much the cancer had spread. Hannah was operated on a week later. The surgeon suspected that cancer had spread to vital organs. Ten days later, the lab confirmed his suspicions.
Hannah’s doctor said he could treat her with chemotherapy and painkillers, but it was just a matter of time before the cancer killed her. She asked how much time. He guessed that she had less than a year to live. How can this be, Hannah wondered. Doesn’t this always happen to someone else?
A couple of weeks later, she visited another cancer specialist. He examined her and read her medical and lab reports. He said he agreed with her surgeon. “If you have any once-in-a-lifetime plans, do them now,” he advised.
Instead, Hannah spent her last months in her co-op, tended to by hospice workers. Her family and friends visited her regularly. The moment before she died, she opened her eyes and tried to say something to her fiancé. She squeezed his hand weakly.
“She was in constant pain,” her fiancé said. “At the end, she could barely whisper. She weighed 80 pounds when she died. I can’t believe that God allows things like this to happen to people.”
 
2- Woman Shot Next to Her Christmas Tree 
 
A woman decorating her Christmas tree Monday was shot in her left arm when a bullet went through her living room window. Police said the incident occurred about 5:00 p.m. A .22 caliber shell casing was found across the street from the victim's home. Police did not find a weapon in the vicinity.
Mrs. Wilma Johnson was treated at a local hospital and allowed to go home. A hospital spokesman said she should recover nicely. She is in her late 50s, divorced, and living with Bob, the older of her two adult sons. Bob wasn’t home at the time of the shooting.
Police will patrol the area more frequently as a result of this shooting. They don't know if the shooting was intentional or accidental. They are asking the public to help if they know anything. They interviewed the neighbors. One neighbor said he heard a gunshot, but in this neighborhood, he said, he was used to hearing gunshots.
The police also questioned Mrs. Johnson’s ex-husband, Joe, who lives three blocks away. Joe said if he was going to shoot at his ex-wife, he’d make sure he shot her in her butt. “That’s a target you could hit from a mile away,” he laughed. Despite such remarks, the police spokesperson said Joe is not a suspect at this time.
 
3- Woman Lies About Winning Lottery
 
 A 39-year-old woman admitted that she had lied. She claimed that she bought the latest winning lottery ticket in Massachusetts, but then lost it. The ticket was worth $18 million after all deductions. Jean Fenn was charged with grand larceny. A conviction could put her in prison for up to seven years.
The real winner of the ticket, Kevin Hayes, 66, presented it a week ago to the liquor store where he had bought it. That store will receive one percent of the prize, or $180,000. The owner of the store, Mark Abrams, 56, was overjoyed. “Last year we had a storm that blew half of our roof off. It cost $25,000 to put a new roof on.”
Hayes said he was reminded to check his numbers when he heard that a woman had lost her winning ticket. He and his wife had been camping in the mountains when the winning number was drawn.
“But I feel sorry for this woman," said Hayes. "She only did this out of desperation. In fact, I'm going to help her out financially after she gets out of prison. It’s a shame that this wealthy country has so many poor people. So, I’m going to donate a lot of this money to different charities. What do I need $18 million for?”
The checks to Hayes and Abrams should arrive within two weeks, according to a lottery spokesman. The spokesman mentioned that lottery players should remember that the odds of winning the lottery are only about one in forty million. Even so, most people think that SOMEONE has to win, and it might as well be them.
 
4- Woman Dies in House Fire  
 
An 80-year-old woman died Tuesday afternoon in a fire. The blaze was reported about 2:30 p.m. at a home on Sunnyside Avenue. The victim was identified as Mary Cass. Her husband, Roy Cass, 80, was not at home at the time of the fire. Investigators from the local fire department were trying to determine the exact cause of the fire. They said it looked like the woman had fallen asleep on the sofa with a cigarette in her hand.
The value of the home was estimated at $700,000. The Casses were married in 1945. Both of them had been smokers throughout most of their lives.
Mr. Cass said, “Six months ago, we decided to quit smoking, because we wanted to live to be 100. So we went to a smoking cessation clinic. The clinic worked! We both managed to quit a month ago. At least I thought we both did. I can't believe she was smoking behind my back.”
Mr. Cass started sobbing after his remarks. He repeatedly cried out his wife’s name. Authorities took him to a nursing home where he could be kept under surveillance.
“We’ve had too many instances of long-time married couples who, if they discover their spouse is dead, commit suicide within 48 hours,” said a nursing home spokesperson. “Mr. Cass’s behavior has been erratic, from talking nonstop to crying to staring vacantly. We are going to have to watch him closely.”
 
5- Where Did That Book Go?
 
Samuel was back at the thrift shop. He had walked into the shop with only one goal in mind—to find a book that he had NOT bought yesterday. The book was one of seven that he had piled up yesterday. He was going to buy all of them. But at the last moment, he changed his mind. He put all seven back on the shelf.
Samuel had a personal library at home that exceeded 1,000 books—almost all unread. He subscribed to seven magazines and one daily newspaper. Samuel had more reading material in his small apartment than he could finish in two lifetimes, yet his urge to buy more books raged on.
He finally put his foot down. Not one more book, he told himself, unless it was really special. Yesterday’s book fit the bill. It was a biography of one of his favorite authors—Stephen King. King is one of America’s most popular fiction authors. But it wasn’t easy for King; early in his career, he got hundreds of rejection slips. Samuel wanted to be a great writer. King was his role model.
Samuel immediately found one of the books he had piled up yesterday, and then another one. All right, he thought. This was going to be easy. In minutes, he found all the books that he had held in his hands yesterday, except one—the Stephen King book. Gee, what a surprise, he thought. The one book that I want to find is the one book that I can’t find.
Samuel took a walk throughout the store, knowing that people often pick up merchandise in one place and then leave it in another place. The book was a thick paperback with a red cover. But it was nowhere to be found.
So for Samuel, the Big Hunt was on. He was now a man on a mission. Every thrift shop he went to would involve a search for the King book. This new search added purpose to his thrift shop life.
Samuel had held something special in his hands. But only when he let it go did he realize its value. When he found it again, he would place the King book prominently on his bookshelf. It would almost certainly be his favorite book that he never got around to reading.
 
6- When I Retire, We Will See the World  
 
It was 10 p.m. Fritz said good night to his wife. She was watching TV. He went to bed. Tomorrow was a big day. It was his last day of work. Thirty years with the federal government. Thirty years of flying out of town for weeks on end. Thirty years of interviews, meetings, and heavy briefcases. Tomorrow it would all be over. Not that he didn’t like it. He had enjoyed his career.
Fritz felt blessed. His father had had a tough life as an unskilled laborer. Whenever Fritz was a bit discouraged or upset, he thought about his overworked and underpaid father. He thanked God for his own good life, and for the fact that he had been able to make his dad’s last years comfortable.
His two children were married and had their own careers. His wife Paige kept busy with, among other things, her bridge club. She had tried to get him interested in bridge, but without success. Fritz was content with his own Friday night poker group.
Friday morning, he went to work for the very last time. Those who knew him well would miss him. Fritz was a genuinely nice guy. He never had a bad word to say about anyone. Some people might have thought he was a little dull, but he was intelligent, a hard worker, and a team player. He had taken only three weeks of sick leave in 30 years.
A small group took him out to lunch. When he returned from lunch, the whole office gathered around for cake, ice cream, a farewell card, and a few short speeches. They presented him with various going-away gifts, including a big, paperback US atlas. It listed all the motels, campgrounds, national parks, tourist spots, and other information to help guide a leisurely traveler throughout the good old USA. He had told his friends that he and Paige were going to spend a couple of years visiting all the places that he never had gotten to explore while there on business. As a final gift, his supervisor told him to take the rest of the day off.
Paige’s car wasn’t in the driveway when he got home. She was probably shopping for some traveling clothes. Maybe she was out arranging a dinner at a restaurant that evening for just the two of them. That would be nice.
But something was wrong. When he hung up his jacket, he saw that the bedroom closet was half empty. Paige’s clothes were gone. Her shoes were not on the closet floor. Confused, he looked around the bedroom.
He saw an envelope on the lamp stand. Inside it were two pieces of paper. One notified him of a divorce proceeding. The other was a hand-written note from Paige. “I’m so sorry,” it began. She said that her lawyer had told her to wait until today. If she had sought divorce a year earlier, like her boyfriend had suggested, she would not have been able to qualify for 50 percent of Fritz’s pension. She hoped that he would find it in his heart to forgive her. She felt terrible about this, she wrote, because “you’ve been so good to me. But I can’t ignore my own heart.”
Fritz sat immobile on the edge of the bed. Her note was in his hand; her words were burning in his brain.
Maybe an hour later, the phone rang. He picked it up on the fifth ring. It was Bob, wondering if Fritz was going to play poker later that night.
 
7- Water Under the Sink
 
The 36-year-old bachelor ate his usual lunch at home. He had an apple, a ham sandwich with a sliced dill pickle, a bowl of chicken noodle soup with a couple of soda crackers, and a small candy bar, all washed down with an eight-ounce glass of milk.
After he finished breakfast, Ed put everything in the sink, poured a little dishwashing soap onto a Teflon pad, and scrubbed the soup bowl, the sandwich plate, and the milk glass. Then he switched on the garbage disposal to grind up the few bits of food that he had scraped off his plate. He left the kitchen to go brush his teeth. But he felt something wet on his bare foot. Sure enough, he looked down and saw some water on the kitchen carpet. “What is this?” he said aloud.
Opening the cabinet door under the sink, he saw no dripping water. He went to the closet and got a flashlight. When he shined the light into the cabinet under the sink, he saw drops of water on the sides of the dark blue steel cylinder. It looked like he had a leaky garbage disposal. To test his theory, he turned on the switch, and a stream of water flowed out of a seam onto the cabinet floor and then onto the kitchen carpet. Ed had a problem, but he didn’t have time to fix it now. He had to run some errands. He put some tape over the switch so he couldn’t accidentally turn the disposal on again.
Ed came home from his errands and put the groceries into the cupboard and the refrigerator. He grabbed a flathead screwdriver and a pair of pliers from his toolbox. In the kitchen, he got down on his hands and knees and turned on the flashlight. After a couple of minutes of looking, he decided what to do. He had never opened up a disposal before, but there is a first time for everything.
The cylindrical disposal was about 7 inches in diameter and had a horizontal seam dividing the top half from the bottom half. The halves were held together by three screws. Ed jiggled the bottom half of the disposal; it was loose because two of the three screws were corroded. Only one screw was still doing its duty. Ed unscrewed it.
The bottom half of the disposal was now lying on the cabinet floor. Ed thought for sure that it would be full of months-old food, but there was no food, only a hardened, torn, useless gasket. The next day Ed went to the hardware store to buy some screws and a new gasket. The employee told him that they did not carry those gaskets and suggested that he write to the manufacturer. Ed returned home. He created his own gasket by using gasket sealant that comes in a tube. He applied the sealant, screwed the two halves back together, and crossed his fingers.
The next day he turned on the water and switched on the disposal. When he saw the water pouring out of the seam, Ed knew one thing: it was time to buy a new disposal. The good thing was that new disposals started at $79. The bad thing was that it would have to be installed by a plumber. Plumber rates started at about $80 an hour. Ed decided that since the disposal used a lot of energy and the world needed to use less energy, from now on he would put his scraps into the kitchen garbage bag. He reminded himself to tell everyone at work tomorrow about how he was now helping to solve the world’s energy problems.
 
8- Wanted To Know How His Pig’s Doing 
 
 
Two mayors made a bet on the outcome of the Vegetable Bowl, the annual football game between their high school teams. If Arvada’s team lost, the mayor of Arvada would send the mayor of Boulder ten pounds of sliced potatoes, ready for frying. If Boulder’s team lost, the mayor would send ten pounds of sliced tomatoes, ready for sandwiches or salads.
Unfortunately, before the game started, the mayor of Boulder overheard the Arvada mayor tell someone: “They grow the worst tomatoes. If they lose and send us their tomatoes, I’m going to give them all to my pig.” The mayor of Boulder was upset to hear this, because he thought Boulder’s tomatoes were the best in the state. So he gave the matter some thought.
The following week, the big game was played. Boulder lost its star quarterback in the first half when he tripped over a cheerleader and sprained his big toe. The quarterback glumly watched the rest of the game from the bench. His team ended up losing, 38 to 12. The two mayors shook hands after the game, and the Arvada mayor said, “I’m really looking forward to those tomatoes.” As the Boulder team left the stadium, some unhappy fans threw ripe tomatoes at them.
A week later, the mayor of Arvada received a package of beautifully sliced tomatoes. He took them straight to his pig, which gobbled them right up. That night the mayor of Boulder asked his wife if Arvada’s mayor had called. “No,” she said. “Why?” “Because I mixed a pint of hot sauce into the tomatoes and I wanted to know how his pig’s doing.”
 
9- Victory Dance Leads to Death  
 
A basketball game ended abruptly Saturday afternoon when 18-year-old Damon Miller was fatally shot at a recreation center. The gunman, who called himself Ace, ran south on Oak Street after the shooting and remains at large. Miller was pronounced dead at the scene by the paramedics. He died from two gunshot wounds to his chest. The paramedics did not arrive immediately because they were tied up at a four-car crash a mile away. This was the second such shooting during a basketball game, apparently by the same gunman.
According to witnesses, Miller did a little dance after making a game-winning 3-point basket. When Ace told him to stop celebrating, Miller ignored him. Then Ace pulled a small gun out of his baggy shorts and fired two quick shots. Everyone else backed away. Instead of running immediately, Ace picked up the basketball and made a 3-pointer himself. Then he did a little dance next to the victim’s head and fled.
A police officer said the suspect will be charged with "a lot more than unsportsmanlike conduct" when arrested. Eyewitnesses said Ace is a white male, 5'11", about 200 pounds, with a small scar on his left cheek.
Local activists criticized the police for dragging their feet in their search for the suspect. “You can bet if it was two white men who had been shot by a black man, there’d be a policeman on every basketball court in town till he was caught,” said one activist.
 
10- Valuable Guitar Found  
 
A classical guitarist was thrilled to hear from New York City police that his valuable guitar had been found. It disappeared almost a year ago when he got out of a taxicab and forgot to take the guitar with him. Laurence Lennon, 44, said he was running late that day. He was talking to his manager on his cell phone when he dashed out of the cab. He said that he gave the driver $60 and told him to keep the change. He walked through the front doors of the concert hall still talking on the phone to his manager.
Upon discovering his loss, Lennon used his cell phone to call the police. The policewoman asked him for the name of the cab company, the number of the cab, and the name of the driver. He said that she had to be kidding.
She told Lennon that he could file a missing items report at the police station or online. Lennon asked for the online address. It was www.nypd.gov/toprotectandtoserve/haveaniceday. She told him that finding the guitar might take a couple of years—finding guitars was not as important as finding murderers and marijuana smokers. Then she told him to have a nice day.
"This year has been depressing," said Lennon. “I had to postpone the recording of two new CDs. I’ve been using borrowed guitars. And I was losing hope of ever recovering my guitar.”
Lennon was reunited with his $100,000 guitar yesterday. The case and the guitar had been discovered in the corner of a coffeehouse only two blocks from where Lennon had lost it in the first place. Lennon had offered a $10,000 reward for its return. He said he would give the reward to the coffeehouse owner, who had notified the police. The police department prepared a news release about its success in tracking down the guitar.
 
11- Trees Are a Threat 
 
The mountain town of Canton is at an elevation of 6,000 feet. It is surrounded by thick underbrush and pine trees. Because of six years of drought, these plants are a major fire hazard. Thousands of trees and tons of underbrush are going to be removed over the next five years at a minimum cost of $3 million. The brush will be removed first, then the trees will be toppled and removed. A cleared nonflammable area will then safely surround the town of 4,000.
Residents look forward to the work, because it will help their town survive a future inferno. “But there are two problems,” said one resident. “All the extra trucks are going to make traffic pretty bad. Once the area is cleared, we have to make sure dirt bikers don’t try to make the cleared area their personal playground.”
A recent fire burned 4,000 acres and destroyed 11 homes in nearby Hamilton. The fire was raging toward Canton, but a sudden rainstorm put it out. Residents know that they won’t get lucky twice, so they are looking forward to this massive clearing operation.
Ninety percent of the cutting and clearing will be paid with federal funds. Unfortunately, if the trees are on private property, they must be paid for by the residents themselves. Prices can range as high as $1,000 to cut and remove one tree. Officials say that residents can apply for state and federal loans if necessary.
“Well, what good does that do me?” asked Thelma, a 65-year-old widow. “I’m living on social security. I’ve got four trees on my property. The government’s not going to loan me money when they know there’s no way I can pay it back. So what am I supposed to do? These planners with all their big ideas ought to think of the little people.”
 
12- Train Wreck “Frees” Cows  
 
A Continental Pacific Railroad freight train derailed on Tuesday about 40 miles north of Sacramento. The exact cause is still being investigated, but authorities say it was no accident. The head engineer said everything was fine; then suddenly, everything wasn't.
Of the freight train's 86 cars, 22 went off the tracks. Fortunately, this incident did not involve any fatalities, human or otherwise. The head engineer was treated for a broken wrist at a nearby hospital. He was the only casualty.
Trains throughout California frequently carry dangerous cargoes, such as chemicals. When these trains derail, authorities immediately evacuate nearby communities because of the danger of explosions or of harmful fumes. However, this train carried only lumber, new automobiles, and cattle destined for slaughter.
After the mishap, lumber was scattered on either side of the tracks. About 20 automobiles were damaged. The biggest problem, however, was the cattle. About 300 of them were standing on or near the tracks, wandering into the nearby woods, or standing on the nearby highway. Traffic on the two-lane highway was backed up for almost a mile in each direction.
“We know who did this,” said a California Highway Patrol spokesman. “The train was sabotaged by a group called Tofu for You. They left their pamphlets all over the crime scene. They “liberate” animals that are on their way to the slaughterhouse. They think Americans should eat tofu instead of meat. They’re wasting their time. All these cows are going to be burgers by tomorrow night.”
 
 
13- There Goes the Neighborhood!
 
Carbon Street is a long, tree-lined street with majestic houses on either side. The houses are owned by millionaires who cherish their quiet, residential street. Throughout the day, the only noise is usually the sound of various birds singing in the trees or the occasional jetliner flying high overhead. Not even the sound of gas leaf blowers or gas lawn mowers invades the silence.
But, nothing lasts forever. Carbon Street is about to change. Mr. Bing, a self-made billionaire, has a plan. A big plan. A big plan for a big house. Mr. Bing says he likes to do everything big.
“I like to make a statement. What’s the use of being on this planet if others don’t know that you’re here? After years of searching all over the world, I have determined that Carbon Street is the perfect place to live. I plan to build the biggest house in the world at the end of this street. Construction will take about three years, but it will be worth it. I’m going to throw at least one party every weekend for all my friends. It’s going to be fantastic!”
“It’s going to be a nightmare,” said one neighbor. “We’re already talking to some realtors. Three years of construction. Three years of trucks going back and forth every day. And then parties every weekend? We can't even sue him—I think he’s got more money than our whole state. No, it’s time to move. We went from having the nicest neighborhood to having the worst neighborhood, all because of one new neighbor. I wonder who the idiot is who told him about our street.”
 
14- Theft Occurs Everywhere 
 
An elderly woman told the police that, as she entered a restroom, she was jostled by a woman behind her. A few minutes later, as she was about to pay for a moustache remover at a nearby store, she discovered that her wallet was missing from her purse. Apparently the woman who had bumped into her had cleverly stolen her wallet. This type of theft is called pick-pocketing.
Perhaps an even more personal kind of theft is known as housebreaking, or burglary. After such an intrusion, the victims often report a feeling of violation. They seldom regain the comfort and security level they used to have in their home. They constantly feel like they are being watched; they feel that if they go out, the burglars will again come in. They feel uncomfortable when they are home, and they feel uncomfortable when they aren’t home.
Burglars get lucky or make their own luck. Sometimes homeowners forget to lock all their windows or doors. Sometimes burglars will break a window, cut through a screen door, or force open a side door.
Thieves have no shame. They will steal from anyone that they think is vulnerable. Of course, that means the elderly are their frequent victims. Some thieves are very clever; some are very lucky. All of them make an honest person’s life more difficult. It’s too bad that all of them can’t be caught and converted into honest people.
Imagine that: a world with no larceny, a world where you can park your bicycle unsecured on the sidewalk, or leave your purse unattended in your shopping cart. Is this only a dream? Some say that if you can dream about it, it can happen.
 
 
 
15- The Doctor’s Almost Perfect Children  
 
Veronica was an only child. Even as a child, she decided that she was going to be a doctor. All her dolls became her patients. All her dollhouses became hospitals for her patients. She spent her early childhood treating her patients for all kinds of diseases and injuries. She saved all of them and billed none of them.
Veronica got straight A’s in high school and college, because she knew that good grades would help her get into a good medical school. She graduated from medical school near the top of her class. She became a pediatrician. She got married and had two kids, one boy and one girl. Veronica’s husband David was an architect and a great cook. Her children did their homework without being told. They got straight A’s in school. They ate all their vegetables without complaining. They were perfect little children, except for one thing: They argued with each other constantly.
Veronica got home at 4:30 p.m. today. David gave her a big kiss and a hug. Then her kids gave her a kiss and a hug. She went upstairs and changed into shorts and a T-shirt. When she returned, the kids were waiting for her in the living room to talk about their day in school.
Marvin, 10, said that today his biology teacher helped them cut up dead frogs. They smelled bad, but he enjoyed seeing their little body parts, like their lungs and heart. “I like biology,” Marvin said. “I want to be a biologist, an animal doctor, and an inventor when I grow up. I’m going to invent a pill so that animals all learn to live together without eating each other all the time.”
“You’re crazy!” exclaimed Rebecca. “What are the animals going to eat if they don’t eat each other?”
“You don’t know anything. You’re a girl and you’re only nine,” taunted Marvin.
“Marvin, be polite to your sister,” Veronica admonished.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “I apologize, dear little sister.”
“That didn’t sound very sincere, mommy,” Rebecca complained.
“Okay, here’s how I’ll keep the animals from eating each other. I already thought of that, of course. The solution is a pill that will make all animals like to eat grass, like the cows and sheep do. That way no more animals will eat each other, and kids won’t have to mow the lawn any more. So, that will kill two birds with one stone.”
“Well, that’s very clever,” Veronica told Marvin.
“Now, tell us about your day, Rebecca,” Veronica said.
“Well, as you know, mommy, I’m going to be a real doctor like you, not a mad scientist like somebody I know,” Rebecca started, and then stuck her tongue out at her brother.
 
16- Tenants Watch Building Burn 
 
A 20-unit apartment building burned for about an hour before firemen were able to extinguish it. The fire started in the attic at about 10:30 p.m. yesterday evening. The damage was estimated at $1.5 million. A fire department spokesman said the fire might have been set deliberately.
The tenant who first saw the blaze banged loudly on the door of every unit in the building. Occupants of 15 units were already in bed or preparing for bed. No one responded in the other five units because the tenants were not home. Those tenants who were home escaped with nothing more than the clothes on their backs, their pets, their cell phones, and their laptops.
Many tenants went across the street to watch the fire from a safe distance. They were all hoping that their units would be spared. Some of the pets were so disturbed by the noise, crowds, flames, and smoke that their owners could not hold on to them. They clawed their way out of their owners’ arms and dashed away. The younger children were similarly frightened. They cried in their parents’ arms.
Two fire engines arrived at 10:45 p.m., but the entire roof was ablaze by then. Smoke and flames were visible in most of the units on the top floor.
At about 11:35 p.m. the flames were extinguished. Most of the roof had disappeared. The top floor of the two-story building was about 80 percent gone. Water was seeping into the ground-floor units, ruining most of them. The tenants were crying or speechless. They were happy to be alive, but now they had no home. Where were they going to live?
Firemen discovered a charred gasoline can in the attic. This was the second suspicious apartment fire in a month.
 
 
 
17- Take This Job and Shove It  
 
Maxwell had not held a steady job in almost two years. Today was a big day, because he was going to a job interview that he felt good about. The secretary he had talked to on the phone sounded friendly and encouraging.
Maxwell was a typist. His fingers danced on the keyboard. However, his people skills were not nearly as good as his typing skills. Sometimes his mouth got in the way of his employment. At his last steady job, his boss had told him to start making coffee every morning. Maxwell laughed. “I’m not making coffee,” he said. “It’s not part of my job description.”
“Read the employee manual again,” his boss said. “Your job description is anything I say it is.”
“That’s a woman’s job,” said Maxwell. “Do it yourself.”
His boss was still yelling as Maxwell walked out of the building. He felt great about telling off the boss. A few days later, the reality of not having a job hit home. He had to pay the rent and utility bills, and he had to eat. What was he going to do?
He thought about apologizing and asking for his job back. But how would that look? Then again, who cares how it looks when you’re almost broke? After thinking about it for another week, he finally called his boss and apologized. His boss accepted his apology, but said that he had already hired a replacement.
Maxwell contacted a temporary job agency, which provided him enough occasional work to pay his bills. But none of the companies that he was sent to were hiring. So Maxwell was excited about finally getting an interview for a steady job.
Maxwell’s drive to the interview was disappointing. The traffic was congested and the neighborhood looked rough. It took him 45 minutes to get there. The building was covered with graffiti.
The interview started 30 minutes late. Not bothering to apologize, the manager lit a cigarette and took a sip from his coffee cup. He leaned back in his chair and put his feet up on his desk. He asked Maxwell a lot of questions. Maxwell thought that each question was stupider than the preceding question. The final question was, “Where would you like to be 10 years from now?”
What does that have to do with typing? Maxwell wondered. Stupid questions from a rude man in a lousy neighborhood! Where would he like to be 10 years from now?
“Anywhere but this dump!” Maxwell said angrily, as he stood up and walked out.
 
18- Take Me Out to the Ball Game  
 
Ralph and Ilene hadn’t been to a baseball game in about five years. They were only 15 miles from the stadium, but the heavy traffic on game day made those 15 miles seem more like 60 miles. It took about an hour to get to the stadium. Then, when the game was over, it took half an hour just to get out of the parking lot. Then the drive home was another hour. In other words, the traveling took longer than the game itself.
“Honey, the Giants are in town,” Ilene said. “I want to see Barry Bonds hit a home run. Can we go to the game? We haven’t gone in such a long time.”
“You’re right. It has been a while. OK, I’ll go if you don’t mind driving,” said Ralph.
“Great! Let’s get ready. If we get there early enough, I might get his autograph. Maybe he’ll hit a foul ball we can catch.” Ilene was excited. “We!?” Ralph thought.
An hour later they were in their car. They lived in Pasadena near an old church. They went south on Orange Grove and then south on the 110 freeway. The 110 is California’s original freeway, full of twists and turns. Accidents occur daily; California drivers think yellow lights and sharp curves mean the same thing—speed up!
The traffic was lighter than they expected. They arrived at the stadium 40 minutes before game time. They paid the $8 parking fee, parked and locked the car, and walked to the main entrance.
Several individuals were standing around outside the stadium, looking casual but actually selling tickets on the sly. “Are you going to buy from a scalper?” asked Ilene.
“Yes. Just like last time. That one looks honest,” Ralph replied.
They walked over to a man in a red cap. Ralph’s instincts were correct. The man had tickets for good seats at a fair price. Ralph gave the man $45 and thanked him.
“Don’t thank me, my friend. Thank your local police department. Put your hands behind your back, please. You’re under arrest.”
“What?” Ralph was astonished. “What’s going on?”
“Buying scalped tickets is illegal in Los Angeles,” said the undercover police officer. “It’s been illegal for 25 years. Don’t worry. The police station is right outside the park. We’ll have you back here right after we book you. You can pay the $150 fine with your credit card.” The officer handcuffed Ralph.
“This has got to be a joke. You people have never enforced this law before,” said Ralph.
“Well, we’ve got a new mayor and he wants us to enforce all the laws that bring in money. Come with me, please. I’ll have you back here in 20 minutes. Ma’am, you can wait here for him. You might want to buy some legitimate tickets while you're waiting. Have a nice day. Oh, and enjoy the game!”
 
19- Swim Classes Begin Soon 
 
Summer is almost here, which means it is time to sign your kids up for swim classes again at the Community Pool. Classes begin on Monday, May 1, and will continue throughout the summer. Fifteen swim classes are being offered. Each class lasts ten hours. A new class starts each week of the summer. Each class costs $20. The pool is big enough for six students per class.
Classes will increase in difficulty each week. The first week is for children up to six years old. The last week is for advanced swimmers who want to improve their race and endurance skills.
Students can sign up for as many classes as they like, but they must pass the skills level test. For example, students who sign up for Level 4 (Stroke Readiness) must show their certificate for completing Level 3 or must demonstrate the front crawl and backstroke. Children cannot sign up for a level they are not ready for. Children who have never attended Community Pool classes must show up April 29 or 30 for a swim skills evaluation. Instructors will rate the students and assign them to a particular skill level.
Swim classes are fun for all. Children learn new skills and make new friends. Parents get to meet other parents in the community. Swimming, like bicycling, is a healthy and valuable skill that, once learned, is never forgotten.
“It's a joy to teach young children,” said Ginger, the lead instructor for swimming programs. “More than half of them are terrified when we put them into the water the first time. Two months later, they're begging their parents to go to the pool every day.”
 
 
 
20- SUV Driver Sends Officer Flying
 
 About 2:00 a.m. Monday, a California Highway Patrol officer was hit by an SUV. The officer was thrown about 10 feet before landing in a hedge. The officer was assisting a motorist whose car had stalled on the freeway.
The police officer was listed in stable condition at a nearby hospital. The accident occurred after the fast-moving white SUV drove onto the shoulder where the two cars were parked. The SUV struck the officer before plowing into the police car. The driver of the stalled car was unhurt.
The SUV rolled completely over. The driver climbed out of the SUV and took off, running in the direction of a nearby off-ramp. Because another police vehicle was nearby, the police caught the driver quickly. He was charged with drunk driving, property damage, causing personal injury, and leaving the scene of an accident.
The driver had no license and no insurance. He had been convicted a year ago of driving while intoxicated. At that time he had also injured someone and also fled the scene. He was sentenced to jail for six months. But because the jail was so overcrowded, he was released in one month.
“What can we do?” said a policeman. “There are a lot more drunk drivers out there every night than there are police. The only time we can get them off the streets for good is when they kill someone.”
 
 
 
21- Stepmother Kills Herself  
 
Lois Castle, 58, committed suicide at home with a revolver yesterday. Two police officers heard a single gunshot as they were about to knock on her front door. They were at her house to arrest her for the 1970 murder of her young stepdaughter. Castle apparently realized that she was going to be arrested. Only a month earlier she had been interviewed by detectives about Dorothy’s death 35 years ago.
In 1970, Castle told police that the girl had fallen out of a tree she was climbing and hit her head on a rock. But Dorothy’s natural father, Dwayne, who was married to Castle at the time, thought his wife was lying. “She said she would hurt me if I bother her again,” Dorothy had told her father earlier.
“Your little girl is making up stories about me. I try to love her, but she rejects me,” Castle told Dwayne.
An autopsy was inconclusive, and the death was ruled accidental. Dwayne divorced Castle shortly thereafter.
But the case was reopened recently when a playmate of Dorothy’s came forward. Beverly Lisenby, also seven at that time, said she was about to knock on the door of Dorothy’s house that fateful day. But instead of knocking, she listened quietly as she heard Dorothy screaming for help and Castle telling her to shut up. Beverly listened until it was silent inside, then ran back home. She was so shaken by the event that she had told no one in all these years.
The coroner dug up Dorothy’s body and did a second autopsy. Using new crime-solving tools, he determined that Dorothy had been struck in the skull several times by a rock the size of a baseball.
The police are now trying to locate Dwayne to tell him the good news.
 
 
 
22- Squirrel Attacks Woman in Golf Cart  
 
A woman golfing with her husband and her mother was taken to the local hospital yesterday afternoon. The woman was struck by a golf cart driven by her mom.
Ginger Rogers, 55, was hit by the cart about 2 p.m. at Fairway Golf Course. She was examining her 50-foot putt on the par 5 tenth hole when she heard her mother scream. Ginger turned around just in time to see her mom driving straight toward her. The force of the collision knocked her over, and the cart then ran over her foot.
Her mom, 81 years old, said that a squirrel had jumped up into the cart looking for snacks. She tried to shoo the squirrel away. Instead, it rose up on its hind feet and made a hissing sound. Startled and frightened, the old lady hit the gas pedal.
The paramedics arrived about 15 minutes later and treated Ginger for a broken left ankle. They gave a mild sedative to her mother, who kept muttering, “Vicious, simply vicious.” Then they took Ginger to the hospital. Mr. Rogers promised his wife he would visit her after he finished his round.
John Dean, an attorney for the golf course, said the golf course was not responsible for the actions of its animals. He added, “If the ladies want to sue, they’ll have to sue the squirrel. We’re still assessing the damage to the cart and the green. It looks fairly light; I doubt that the driver will owe us more than $1,000.”
 
 
 
 
23- Schoolboys Get Five-Finger Discount on Candy  
 
Travis and Paul were best friends and in the ninth grade. They didn’t like anything about school except the girls and the baseball. They were both on the junior high baseball team. Both wanted to be major league baseball players when they grew up.
On Thursday, baseball practice lasted for two hours after school. After practice, Travis and Paul were hungry and thirsty. Between them, they had $2.05. There was a small grocery store three blocks from the school.
“What can we buy for only $2?” asked Travis.
“We could split a soda and a candy bar,” replied Paul.
“That’s going to be hard to do, since I like orange soda and you like root beer,” said Travis. “And I hate peanuts in candy bars and you love them,” said Paul.
As they approached the store, they were still thinking about their problem. One solution, of course, was for one of them to pick the soda and the other to pick the candy bar. The problem with that solution would be that one of them would still be thirsty and the other would still be hungry.
“Wait a minute,” said Paul. “I’ve got an idea.” They stopped, and Paul told Travis his idea.
Mr. Cobb was the store owner. He had no use for kids. They were little people with little money. His eyes narrowed as he saw the boys approaching the store.
After they entered the store, Travis walked over to the big cooler that was filled with ice and sodas. Paul walked over to the candy bar section.
“Mr. Cobb, you don’t have any orange soda,” Travis said.
“Yes, I do. Just dig a little. You’ll find one.”
Travis dug for a minute.
“I still can’t find one.”
“Are you blind? I’ll be right there.”
Mr. Cobb started digging through the ice. Paul immediately put two candy bars into his trousers’ baggy pockets. He patted the pockets down a little bit.
“Look! Orange soda! What did I tell you?”
“Thank you, sir,” Travis said.
As Travis was paying for the orange soda and the root beer, Mr. Cobb looked at Paul.
“You’re not buying anything?”
“No, sir. We just wanted some sodas.”
“Then why were you looking at the candy bars?”
“Just to see if you got any new brands, sir.” Mr. Cobb’s narrow eyes got narrower as they moved slowly from Paul’s eyes to his shirt, to his pants, and to his shoes.
“If I ever catch you stealing from me, I’ll chop off your hands, you hear me?” For emphasis, Mr. Cobb reached down beneath the countertop and pulled out a butcher knife, sharp and shiny.
Both boys were startled. They ran out of the store.
“Come back here. You forgot your change!” Mr. Cobb yelled at them.
 
 
 
24- Sara Went Shopping
 
Sara Smith, a Pasadena resident, went shopping. She is 30, and has lived at 3037 N. Foothill Street since 1992. Sara has been married to John for seven years. They have two children; Bob is five years old and Nancy is three. Sara owns a 1995 four-door blue Toyota. At 9 a.m., Sara got into her car and drove to Barget, a department store a mile away.
Barget was having a holiday sale. Sara bought a four-slice toaster for $29.95 plus tax. The regular price was $39.95. She paid by check. On her way home, Sara stopped at Milk Plus to buy a gallon of nonfat milk. The milk was $3.50. Sara got 50 cents back in change.
Sara arrived home at 10 a.m. John and the kids were still sleeping. She woke them up and then made a hot and nutritious breakfast for everyone.
 
 
 
26- Rentals at the Oceanside Community 
 
The oceanside community of Lozano Beach is debating whether to allow homeowners to rent out their homes on a weekly basis during the summer. Such rentals produce high incomes for the owners and the city, which gets part of this income through a 15-percent surcharge to the owner. “This can be a boon to our coffers,” said Rick Brown, city manager. “In the summer, homeowners can bring in $2,000 a week or more.”
However, these rentals can also be a can of worms. The city stopped allowing weekly rentals 10 years ago because of the problems they were generating. Two, three, or even four families would pile into a two- or three-bedroom house. Then they would park their cars on the lawn and produce huge amounts of trash. Sometimes they would toss this trash on the streets and sidewalks.
Noise would be another problem. Some people would party late and loud every night. This abuse created a lot of friction with neighbors and resulted in extra work for city maintenance crews and for police, who had to respond almost hourly to residents’ complaints about noise, music, trash, and parking problems. But now, the city’s budget problems are making it reconsider its ban.
City officials will hold a community meeting next week to listen to the pros and cons. One official has already suggested a proposal. He thinks that a fine might work. If the city has to respond to complaints, the homeowner will be charged $200 per response. Such a fine might cause the homeowner to be careful to rent only to people that he is sure will be considerate of the neighbors. The city would still get 15 percent of the rental fee, even if the homeowner’s rent were totally offset by fines. The city would post inconsiderate renters’ names on the city website so that other homeowners would know about them.
Some officials think the ban should be continued because these visitors to the community have already proven that they have no consideration for others. Their money isn’t worth the headaches they cause.
 
27- Pump Up the Tires and Ride the Bike  
 
The blue bike was sitting in Owen’s living room. It had no kickstand, so he had wedged the front tire in between two bookshelves so that the bike would stand upright. Both tires were flat. Dust covered the bike. However, no household spiders had set up a web site. When was the last time I rode this thing, he wondered as he looked at it.
It was Sunday. Sunset was still almost two hours away. The temperature had been 86 at noon, but had dropped to about 76. Owen had spent Saturday and most of Sunday cleaning up his apartment. The termite inspector was coming on Monday. Owen wanted the inspector to be able to “inspect” without tripping over boxes, books, fishing rods, and golf clubs.
Owen was going to reward himself with a late afternoon bicycle ride. He enjoyed riding or walking through his neighborhood with its many beautiful houses, yards, and trees. But first, he had to inflate both bike tires. He got out a hand air pump he had bought at a thrift shop for only $2. The pump nozzle adapter didn’t fit onto the bike’s valve stem. Nothing is ever simple, he thought.
He looked for his new pump, the one that had cost $10. It had all the bells and whistles: high volume air flow on both up and down strokes, quick lock valve adapter and four nozzle adapters, air gauge, and footplate for easy pumping. It was a beauty. Of course, Owen couldn’t find it. I’ve got everything, but I can’t find anything, Owen muttered.
As usual, Owen did find one thing while he was looking for another thing. He found another used pump that he had been looking for a month ago. It was a big, heavy, steel pump that had an air gauge and a small leak somewhere. Owen connected the pump to the rear tire. He started pumping. The “small” leak seemed to have gotten bigger. Owen stopped counting after the first 80 pumps; finally the dial hit 65 psi. He was huffing and puffing. He went to the refrigerator and got a diet soda. After finishing it, he pumped up the front tire. Sweat dripped from his forehead. That was a good workout, he thought as he finished off a second soda. He screwed the valve stem caps back on. He stood back and admired his “new” tires proudly.
The bike was now ready to ride. Owen, however, felt a little tired. Plus, he was hungry. In fact, it looked like it was getting too dark for a long ride. There’s always tomorrow, he thought as he opened the refrigerator door. The chilled air felt good.
 
 
 
 
28- Pulling Out Nine Tons of Trash 
 
A work crew consisting of 150 volunteers worked for eight hours in a light drizzle on Saturday to clean Carson Creek of almost nine tons of debris. “A job well done,” smiled Alan Specter, the director of the event. “We’re scheduled to come back here one more time, three years from now. Of course, we hope that there won’t be nine tons of garbage next time.”
The garbage came in all shapes, sizes, and colors: cans, bottles, bicycles, car tires, auto batteries, sofas, furniture, clothing, shopping carts, bowling balls, plastic bags, dolls, baby carriages, TV antennas, and portable radios. There was even a golf bag with a full set of golf clubs.
Much of the backbreaking work was done by two community groups—the Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, and two environmental groups—Save the Bay and Watch the Whales. Concerned retirees and volunteers from police and fire departments assisted. Everyone was issued boots, gloves, and rain gear. The work occurred along a two-mile stretch of streambed. The debris was hauled roadside, where trucks lined up to take the trash to the landfill. More than 500 big yellow trash bags were filled.
No one found anything of great value, although a five-year-old boy found an earring that he thought might be worth a million dollars because it was so shiny. He said he would sell it. Then he would donate half of the proceeds to Watch the Whales, and use the other half to buy a triple-scoop ice cream cone every day for the rest of his life.
 
 
 
29- Popular Park Reopens 
 
The Silas Lake Park reopens today after being closed for six months. The park was closed because mud and rock slides destroyed part of Cambridge Road, the only access into the park. “We had to remove tons of boulders and rocks,” said Hugh Foster of the Parks and Recreation Department. “Then we had to rebuild a bridge and reconstruct almost a mile of highway. I’m really surprised we got it done so soon.”
The park is three miles north of Colfax on Highway 28. Cambridge Road is a two-lane highway that winds upward through Pearl Canyon before it descends to Silas Lake, which has about 20 miles of shoreline. The largest lake in the county, it is also famous for bass. In fact, the record largemouth bass catch in California occurred here in 1975. A 14-year-old boy caught a 19-pound bass.
The lake has two ramps for boaters, a full-service restaurant, a snack bar, a small tackle store, and a boat rental facility. As with all county parks, no alcohol is sold or permitted. More than 100 picnic tables have protective roofs and big barbecue pits. There are public restrooms with free shower facilities, lots of trash cans, and hiking trails for nature lovers. The west side of the park includes a softball field, a soccer field, and two volleyball courts. Horseshoes and kite-flying are two other popular activities. In the summer, a designated swimming area has a lifeguard on duty seven days a week.
The entry fee is $10 per vehicle and $10 per boat. Reservations are not accepted. The parking lot holds about 500 vehicles; if it is full, no additional vehicles are allowed to enter. Latecomers either leave or wait in line for someone to leave the parking lot. Some weekends there are three dozen vehicles waiting in line outside the gate. Because of many requests, park officials soon might start permitting campers to stay overnight on weekends.
The park is open from dawn to 10 p.m. during the summer. “We probably average 2,000 people here every day during the summer,” said Foster. “They come here to fish, swim, water-ski, jet-ski, picnic, commune with Mother Nature, you name it. People love this place.”
 
 
 
 
30- Police Arrest Happy Van Driver  
 
Police in San Dimas pulled over a florist’s van yesterday and arrested the driver, Karl Rover, for smoking and transporting marijuana. The police got suspicious when Karl remained stopped even after the light had turned green.
One officer asked Karl where he was headed. Grinning broadly, Karl said he was making a delivery. The officer told Karl to turn off the radio, which was blasting rock music. “Dude, this is the Grateful Dead,” Karl groaned.
A moment later, Karl’s cell phone rang. Karl said, “Hey, dude. What’s up?” The officer grabbed the phone from Karl.
“Did you get the cash for the weed?” asked the voice on the other end.
“Yes,” the officer replied, pretending that he was Karl.
“How much did you get?”
“$1,000.”
“$1,000! $1,000! What is the matter with you? That’s $50,000 worth of grass, you idiot! I’m going to kill you!”
The officer laughed when the other person hung up. He went around to the back of the van and opened the doors. Although there were flowers in the back, there were also many plastic bags, each about 12” square, packed tightly with marijuana.
In the cab of the van, a joint was smoldering in the ashtray. The officer took it out of the ashtray and held it up to Karl. “What do you know about this?” he asked Karl.
Grinning, Karl said, “What do I know about it? I know everything about it. I planted it, I watered it, I harvested it, and I rolled it. It’s dynamite weed, dude. Try it!”
The officer brought out his handcuffs. Karl’s grin disappeared. “Hey, at least let me have one more hit!”